Oxford Friend				(Article reprinted with permission from the January 2002 issue of Fyne Times Magazine. Contact the editor)
	Oxford Friend, the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Helpline, has been in existence for twenty-one years. During that time, ten thousand people have telephoned for counselling, information or support. Steve Reader talks to Harry Dickinson, one of the original volunteers.
	SR: What led to the decision to start Friend? HD: For my own part it was largely a result of my own experiences of coming out. I was a medical student in Dundee at the time and felt a lot of guilt. In fact I was quite depressed for a while and I was referred to a psycho-therapist, but later I felt it would have been more beneficial if I had been able to talk to someone who had had a similar experience to my own and had been able to become involved in whatever gay community there was locally. When I came to Oxford I started developing friendships on the gay scene and after a while became involved with the Campaign for Homosexual Equality in the early 1970s. It was as a result of those experiences that I felt there ought to be a helpline staffed by lesbians and gay men, because however well-intentioned they may be, heterosexual people simply cannot identify with the homosexual experience; and they cannot know what it is like to come out as lesbian or gay. I felt very strongly that the lesbian and gay community ought to be providing for its own. SR: How did it come about that you decided to contact Friend rather than start a Helpline of your own? HD: It was due to a chance encounter at a conference between my partner and a volunteer from West Midlands Friend. Subsequently we invited him down to a meeting of possible volunteers, and it grew from there. SR: How did you go about finding suitable volunteers? HD: It was largely people in CHE at the time or friends and acquaintances whom we intuitively felt would be suitable for counselling. So it was a self-selected group, I'm bound to say, of people who felt there ought to be a helpline in Oxford. They were all gay or lesbian. SR: What were the early meetings like? HD: Business-like. We looked at the issues around setting up a line, raising money, finding premises and developing some sort of training programme. To become part of National Friend we had to set up a local Helpline and run it for a few months. We then had to make a presentation at one of its conferences about the group. its work and training programme, after which we were cross-questioned and finally voted in. There was a great emphasis on the training programme and supervision. SR: How did National friend monitor the group’s work in the early days? HD: There was a system of liaison visits to all groups by a member of the national committee - a bit like an OFSTED inspection, I suppose. He or she would come to one of the group's meetings to scrutinise what we were doing. There was an expectation as well that new groups would send representatives to one of the national conferences to keep up to date with developments. Indeed, later on, in the 1980s as I recall we had two or three members on the national committee and we twice hosted conferences in the Oxford area. SR: What is the relationship with National Friend now? HD: Tenuous. There still is a national executive, but it is less influential locally. We have, however, had very supportive contact over recent developments such as e-mail counselling, which is in its infancy. SR: How do you feel about the fact that Oxford Friend has lasted for twenty-one years? HD: Very positive. I have been involved continuously and as in any organisation we have had our difficulties, personality clashes and tensions. and there have been times when it has not seemed fulfilling. Indeed there was a time when I was under a lot of pressure at work and felt I really could not cope with the demands of Friend as well, so I discussed it with the group and took a longish sabbatical from the line although I still attended the monthly meetings. I also continued as treasurer. It is quite acceptable to take a break and come back when one feels refreshed. SR: What would you say are the benefits to you as a volunteer? HD: I know what I should be saying - that I derive pleasure or reward from supporting people in need. but I am bound to say, somewhat selfishly, that my involvement in Friend is in large part for me and my own emotional health and well-being. Being in a long-term relationship, I don't have close involvement with the gay community and one of the things Friend gives me is regular contact with some close lesbian and gay friends and a sense of being in touch with what is going on in the community. It also gives me a sense of working with a team of people whom I like and respect on a project in which everyone is interested. The fact that I can be of help to our callers is almost a bonus, but it is not always something one can rely on. Sometimes when you are on the line you are busy and there are calls that are very demanding and absorbing, but frequently there are no calls and it can be deadly boring, so there has to be something else to sustain you. I also enjoy the social aspects of the group. After meetings we may go to the pub and we have parties and other social events from time to time. SR: Have there been any really low points that have made you think about leaving? HD: Only that phase when I was under particular pressure at work. I became drained and I did seriously wonder about leaving but I kept going and I am glad I did so. SR: How well does the group support its volunteers? HD: Reasonably. The monthly meeting is divided into two parts. We have a business meeting followed by a session when we look at the work we are doing and provide mutual support.1 think we do that quite well but I don't know that we always pick up when individual members are struggling or going through personal crises. We have a system of mentorship for trainees, which works better for some than for others, and it can be affected by personality clashes, but I think overall there is a fair amount of support available, and of course as in any group some very close friendships do develop. SR: How are volunteers selected and trained? HD: To start with we were self-selected, but now recruits are carefully interviewed. We look for people who are reasonably happy with their lesbian or gay identity, are open, receptive and unprejudiced, and who have some awareness of their own feelings of sadness or despair at times. They go through a period of initial training involving role-play, counselling skills and self-awareness, during which they also listen in to calls. When they are considered ready, they take calls closely supervised by a more experienced member of the group. Currently we all have the same ethnic background, which is a source of regret. We have always found it difficult to recruit and retain women volunteers although we do have a small group of women who have been very much involved over a number of years. For reasons I have never really understood, several other women volunteers have gone through the training and left shortly afterwards. I would like to see more ethnic representation and more women in the group. We need to make a real effort to reach out to them. It should be one of our priorities. SR: What are the real achievements of Oxford Friend? HR: Being there reliably when the line is meant to be open; Being able to respond to a caller's needs, whether it is giving information about gay-friendly accommodation and the local gay and lesbian scene or helping to support someone through a very serious emotional crisis. We get repeat callers who clearly derive benefit. Some people acknowledge how much they appreciate the opportunities we provide to help them talk through their situation, but of course we don't always know whether we have been of help.   SR: What of the future? Will there always be a need for groups like Oxford Friend? HD: Yes. I have not the slightest doubt of that. However liberal society's attitudes become, coming out as gay or lesbian or bisexual will always be a very difficult process for some individuals and even for those people who are out and involved in the community, there will always be problems with relationships, parents and so on, so there will always be a need for support from another lesbian or gay man. People who are brought up in other minority groups, based on race or religious beliefs for example, have a natural community in which everybody has the same experience so that even if they suffer prejudice or discrimination within the wider community they have the support of their own immediate family. The difference for lesbians or gay men is that they do not usually have that support within their family as their sexual identity is often hidden. If they experience bullying or rejection at school or in the wider community they may well have no one they can turn to for support, so they cover up their feelings of shame, guilt or fear. For such people, groups like Oxford Friend will always be an essential lifeline.